A six inch figurine of a bear made out of poo on the bathroom counter

A cardboard cutout of Boba Fett (I claimed it)

A bong in the shape of the USS Enterprise made out of PVC pipe and two frisbees, with the bowl in the saucer section, and smoke chambers in the warp nacelles

The complete paperback collection of Gross Jokes and Totally Tasteless Jokes

Amputee porn videos

A vibrator. A large one. With a power cord. The plug had a fucking GROUND (and will feature in it’s own story)

A large stack of magazines with pages stuck together, ranging from Penthouse to HIGHLIGHTS


A TV and fridge from a completely different hotel (our rival a few streets over)

A cucumber wearing a cock ring

No less than FIVE VHS COPIES of The Net with Sandra Bullock

A box of sealed bootleg DVDs with professional looking covers. Among them were Star Wars: Episode I, Episode II, and Episode III (this was in 2001 or 2002)

A New Kids On The Block poster featuring Donny (again, this was 2001 or 2002)


A payphone that someone had unsuccessfuly tried to open the cash box on

A 2 liter Coke bottle filled with diarhea

White Superemecist literature

A Bat’Leth

A Fender Stratocaster that had been broken halfway down the neck

3 live catfish in the tub

1 butchered deer carcass in the tub

Gallon ziplock baggies in the fridge containing varying amounts of poo

A pile of poo on a paper plate with an American flag toothpick sticking out of it, with croutons

Four truck tires, with rims still in them

An empty room. I mean, no bed, no TV, no nightstand, no table, no chairs, no light fixtures, no carpeting, no curtains, NOTHING.

Edible panties. With skid marks.

A three ring binder filled with awful Star Trek TNG fanfiction